Revolution of Self Love
When looking at our world we can see evidence of how divided and separated we are as humans. So much difference among humans, yet little acceptance for our differences with one another. Our dislike and intolerance of other’s beliefs, values and ways of being is a reflection of the disowned, denied and rejected aspects of ourselves that make up the unconscious part in our own psyches. Our Shadow haunts us on the daily news, on the streets lined with the homeless, a stranger we judge upon first meeting them and in all the ways our loved one’s flaws irritate us to the point of insanity. There is no place we can go without running into an aspect of ourselves that we don’t want to see.
The world can sometimes feel unsafe, especially when we’re trying to construct our reality based on never experiencing any discomfort within ourselves. This way of living is steeped in fear; fear of the unknown, fear of each other and fear about who we actually are. Avoiding the things that create discomfort for us provides the illusion of safety, the ego convincing us that what we are doing or how we are feeling is right, therefore making others wrong who are not the same. When we make others wrong or bad, we are covertly making ourselves wrong and bad too.
I will admit that when I am confronted with an unconscious part of myself in another, my instinct is to get away as fast as I can by either creating distance or taking the stance of “better than”, causing further separation. In these moments my ego feels great but my soul longs for deeper connection to all that is. I feel lost and alone because once again I have isolated whatever part this is outside of my awareness. In developing an internal practice of pausing and getting curious about whatever is activated within me, I provide the space necessary to invite these parts in for compassionate exploration with the intention for integration and freedom.
Without having an understanding of our “darker” parts we are only living a fraction of the human experience. Rage, grief, sadness, guilt, jealousy, arrogance, pride and any other “negative” attribute is also what it means to be a human on planet Earth. We cannot feel whole until we can truly embrace our wholeness as humans.
I believe that in order for us to fully love one another and change our systems we need to start with turning towards ourselves with love and learn to embrace ALL that is within us, both the light and the dark. We need a revolution of self-love, where we take an honest inventory of who we are and find meaningful ways to open our hearts, to every part of ourselves so we can begin to heal ourselves, others and the world. Coming home to ourselves does not mean to selectively make space for the positive, light attributes of ourselves. Coming home to ourselves is about inviting back the parts of us that have been cast away into the trenches of our psyche. Coming home to ourselves is about discovering who we really are, the good and the so called “bad”, while creating space in our lives where all parts can coexist. This is both authenticity and belonging…this is radical self love.
If we want to change the oppressive systems we live in, we must stop oppressing and suppressing parts of ourselves. If we want to put an end to war and violence, we need to stop terrorizing ourselves internally. If we want to end poverty and hunger, we need to stop starving and isolating parts of ourselves. If we want to heal our planet and take care of all living things, then we must stop polluting our bodies, mind, and soul with toxins. If we want to feel loved, belonging and connection, we need to stop hating on the unsavory aspects within.
The path of radical self love is just that; radical. It’s not something we have been taught to do in the past and yet I am hopeful that this is where humans are headed if we each take the time to heal and call back our exiled parts. What if we took the time to dismantle the system within each of us, the one that tells us only some parts of ourselves are loveable and belong? What if instead we created a new system where we look for the gold in our disliked parts, integrating more fully so we can feel our birthright of wholeness? I can imagine that some of the external systems we live in would crumble if humans actually loved themselves and one another.
So the next time you feel reactive to someone else’s behavior, beliefs, moods, opinion or appearance, I urge you to pause and get curious about what has just been activated within you. (It’s 2020 so there is no lack of material for us to feel triggered.) Trust that what you were experiencing is for your own healing and integration. Be patient with yourself and know that however you respond is OK and its part of your process, but also be mindful that the ego is sophisticated and will try to convince you that the thing you are reacting to is nowhere inside of you or ever could be. Thank the ego for doing its job, no doubt it is loyal to the construct of who it tells you that you are. Explore further by meditating, journaling and processing with loved ones. Seek out a professional who can help you navigate the Underworld of your psyche and help you with deepening your relationship with yourself so you can call all your parts home.
This is soul work. This is my work, this is your work, this is OUR work. This is for interconnection, peace and love. This is for all of humanity and planet Earth.
As above, so below.